من هناك
12-07-2007, 02:00 AM
With weddings becoming increasingly lavish as a sign of social status, other issues have arisen...
"Sunni Islam, the majority Arab sect, frowns upon the practice (mutaah). Numerous religious scholars have forbidden it. Still, in Egypt, Morocco and Tunisia -- all predominately Sunni Muslim countries -- as well as among Sunnis in Lebanon, a culture of common-law matrimony known legally as urfi has spread, according to press and government reports. Urfi, like mutaah, is essentially a contract between a man and a woman who simply agree to be married. It is usually written and should be witnessed by a government functionary or Muslim cleric. "
=====
Lust in Lebanon, Low Pay Lead to Temporary 'Pleasure' Marriages
By Daniel Williams
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aXYlFbn3gGR8
Dec. 4 (Bloomberg) -- Firaz, a 24-year-old Shiite Muslim, felt
suspended between lust and too little money to afford matrimony.
Enter the ``pleasure'' marriage, a way-station in tough times on the
path to the real thing.
``I had sexual desires and was looking for a girl,'' says Firaz, who
consulted a religious scholar before making his first tryst.
``Pleasure marriage is a way I could feel good about it.''
This particular pleasure -- in Arabic, mutaah -- is a version of
common-law matrimony, a practice that's become familiar in the Middle
East.
Relatively high unemployment and low pay make it hard for many 20-
somethings to finance the requirements of formal marriage -- opulent
wedding, gifts of gold for the bride, furniture, an apartment -- so
they're delaying official unions.
Mutaah, or temporary wedlock, provides the intimate benefits of
marriage without the costs -- and, because it is religiously
sanctioned in Shiite Islam, without guilt. Firaz says he's had
several such affiliations, for as long as a month and short as a
week. He keeps his last name to himself to protect women he's been
with.
During the past three decades, first-marriage ages for Middle Eastern
men have risen from the mid-to-late 20s to over 30, depending on the
country, and from the early 20s to mid-20s for women.
Older Brides
In Lebanon, the climb has been particularly steep. One fifth of women
between 35 and 39 have never been married, according to the
Population Reference Bureau, a Washington- based research center.
``It's a lot about money,'' says Antoine Saad, a psychiatrist and
professor at St. Joseph's University in Beirut. Unemployment is about
13 percent in the Middle East, according to the World Bank, and
``there is instability all around, so the marriage age is going up.''
Sunni Islam, the majority Arab sect, frowns upon the practice.
Numerous religious scholars have forbidden it. Still, in Egypt,
Morocco and Tunisia -- all predominately Sunni Muslim countries -- as
well as among Sunnis in Lebanon, a culture of common-law matrimony
known legally as urfi has spread, according to press and government
reports.
Urfi, like mutaah, is essentially a contract between a man and a
woman who simply agree to be married. It is usually written and
should be witnessed by a government functionary or Muslim cleric.
`Alarming Proportions'
In March, Al-Azhar University, an Islamic institution that frequently
advises Muslims on social conduct, created a panel to study ways to
inhibit the spread of urfi marriages, which had ``reached alarming
proportions,'' the government-run newspaper Al-Ahram reported. The
panel's first suggestion? Parents should help their children finance
weddings.
The possibility that young people are using urfi, carried out in
secret, as a cover for promiscuity has raised official and religious
concerns.
Last July, Egypt's parliament began considering a bill to force urfi
couples to register their marriage contracts with the government.
Ibstam Habib, sponsor of the measure, estimates there are 700,000
urfi marriages registered in Egypt, mostly among college students.
``The husband usually keeps the document and may tear it up at the
first sign of trouble,'' he says.
Unwanted Pregnancy
That trouble may be an unwanted pregnancy. Habib estimates Egyptian
courts are considering 14,000 contested paternity cases.
One well-publicized scandal in 2004 involved an interior designer,
Hind Al-Hinnawi, who claimed she had a child by actor Ahmed Al-
Fishawi while under an urfi contract. She said he had a copy of the
agreement. He denied it.
A judge ordered a DNA test on the child and alleged father -- an
unheard-of decision in Egypt. The child was declared his, and last
year Al-Fishawi was ordered to support it.
The case was unusual because the woman spoke out. Finding a woman
willing to discuss pleasure isn't easy.
``It's not that I'm ashamed,'' says a Beirut hotel receptionist who
declines to give even her first name. ``It's just that I don't want
to put up with what other people say.''
Relationship
She says she had one mutaah relationship with a man she wanted
eventually to wed. After two months, they decided they didn't get
along. ``It was better to find out then than to go through a
divorce,'' she says.
Lebanon, especially Beirut, is fertile ground for temporary marriage
because, unlike in more-conservative Middle Eastern cities, the sexes
mix publicly and even kiss on the street.
``We all meet and sometimes we want to touch,'' says Firaz, in a
Beirut cafe with Ziad, a friend, and Bakr al- Mousawi, a Shiite imam.
Al-Mousawi is a little uneasy with the way the conversation is going.
He says mutaah is basically charitable, meant for widows and
widowers, divorcees and others deprived of regular sex for one reason
or another.
``Sex is a human need, like eating,'' he says. ``Under normal
circumstances, you should do a permanent marriage. But financial
conditions are playing a big role.''
``I wouldn't want my sister to do a pleasure marriage,'' says Ziad,
26, a computer-engineering student at Beirut's Lebanese American
University.
``I don't want a girl I go out with to be with someone else, so we do
a pleasure marriage,'' says Firaz, adding he hasn't used written
contracts.
``I'd like to do one tomorrow,'' jokes Ziad.
Al-Mousawi says he might enter pleasure matrimony himself, though
only with a widow or someone who has been unable to find a husband.
``I believe in sex, but also in boundaries,'' he says. ``Pleasure
marriage is a boundary.''
"Sunni Islam, the majority Arab sect, frowns upon the practice (mutaah). Numerous religious scholars have forbidden it. Still, in Egypt, Morocco and Tunisia -- all predominately Sunni Muslim countries -- as well as among Sunnis in Lebanon, a culture of common-law matrimony known legally as urfi has spread, according to press and government reports. Urfi, like mutaah, is essentially a contract between a man and a woman who simply agree to be married. It is usually written and should be witnessed by a government functionary or Muslim cleric. "
=====
Lust in Lebanon, Low Pay Lead to Temporary 'Pleasure' Marriages
By Daniel Williams
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=aXYlFbn3gGR8
Dec. 4 (Bloomberg) -- Firaz, a 24-year-old Shiite Muslim, felt
suspended between lust and too little money to afford matrimony.
Enter the ``pleasure'' marriage, a way-station in tough times on the
path to the real thing.
``I had sexual desires and was looking for a girl,'' says Firaz, who
consulted a religious scholar before making his first tryst.
``Pleasure marriage is a way I could feel good about it.''
This particular pleasure -- in Arabic, mutaah -- is a version of
common-law matrimony, a practice that's become familiar in the Middle
East.
Relatively high unemployment and low pay make it hard for many 20-
somethings to finance the requirements of formal marriage -- opulent
wedding, gifts of gold for the bride, furniture, an apartment -- so
they're delaying official unions.
Mutaah, or temporary wedlock, provides the intimate benefits of
marriage without the costs -- and, because it is religiously
sanctioned in Shiite Islam, without guilt. Firaz says he's had
several such affiliations, for as long as a month and short as a
week. He keeps his last name to himself to protect women he's been
with.
During the past three decades, first-marriage ages for Middle Eastern
men have risen from the mid-to-late 20s to over 30, depending on the
country, and from the early 20s to mid-20s for women.
Older Brides
In Lebanon, the climb has been particularly steep. One fifth of women
between 35 and 39 have never been married, according to the
Population Reference Bureau, a Washington- based research center.
``It's a lot about money,'' says Antoine Saad, a psychiatrist and
professor at St. Joseph's University in Beirut. Unemployment is about
13 percent in the Middle East, according to the World Bank, and
``there is instability all around, so the marriage age is going up.''
Sunni Islam, the majority Arab sect, frowns upon the practice.
Numerous religious scholars have forbidden it. Still, in Egypt,
Morocco and Tunisia -- all predominately Sunni Muslim countries -- as
well as among Sunnis in Lebanon, a culture of common-law matrimony
known legally as urfi has spread, according to press and government
reports.
Urfi, like mutaah, is essentially a contract between a man and a
woman who simply agree to be married. It is usually written and
should be witnessed by a government functionary or Muslim cleric.
`Alarming Proportions'
In March, Al-Azhar University, an Islamic institution that frequently
advises Muslims on social conduct, created a panel to study ways to
inhibit the spread of urfi marriages, which had ``reached alarming
proportions,'' the government-run newspaper Al-Ahram reported. The
panel's first suggestion? Parents should help their children finance
weddings.
The possibility that young people are using urfi, carried out in
secret, as a cover for promiscuity has raised official and religious
concerns.
Last July, Egypt's parliament began considering a bill to force urfi
couples to register their marriage contracts with the government.
Ibstam Habib, sponsor of the measure, estimates there are 700,000
urfi marriages registered in Egypt, mostly among college students.
``The husband usually keeps the document and may tear it up at the
first sign of trouble,'' he says.
Unwanted Pregnancy
That trouble may be an unwanted pregnancy. Habib estimates Egyptian
courts are considering 14,000 contested paternity cases.
One well-publicized scandal in 2004 involved an interior designer,
Hind Al-Hinnawi, who claimed she had a child by actor Ahmed Al-
Fishawi while under an urfi contract. She said he had a copy of the
agreement. He denied it.
A judge ordered a DNA test on the child and alleged father -- an
unheard-of decision in Egypt. The child was declared his, and last
year Al-Fishawi was ordered to support it.
The case was unusual because the woman spoke out. Finding a woman
willing to discuss pleasure isn't easy.
``It's not that I'm ashamed,'' says a Beirut hotel receptionist who
declines to give even her first name. ``It's just that I don't want
to put up with what other people say.''
Relationship
She says she had one mutaah relationship with a man she wanted
eventually to wed. After two months, they decided they didn't get
along. ``It was better to find out then than to go through a
divorce,'' she says.
Lebanon, especially Beirut, is fertile ground for temporary marriage
because, unlike in more-conservative Middle Eastern cities, the sexes
mix publicly and even kiss on the street.
``We all meet and sometimes we want to touch,'' says Firaz, in a
Beirut cafe with Ziad, a friend, and Bakr al- Mousawi, a Shiite imam.
Al-Mousawi is a little uneasy with the way the conversation is going.
He says mutaah is basically charitable, meant for widows and
widowers, divorcees and others deprived of regular sex for one reason
or another.
``Sex is a human need, like eating,'' he says. ``Under normal
circumstances, you should do a permanent marriage. But financial
conditions are playing a big role.''
``I wouldn't want my sister to do a pleasure marriage,'' says Ziad,
26, a computer-engineering student at Beirut's Lebanese American
University.
``I don't want a girl I go out with to be with someone else, so we do
a pleasure marriage,'' says Firaz, adding he hasn't used written
contracts.
``I'd like to do one tomorrow,'' jokes Ziad.
Al-Mousawi says he might enter pleasure matrimony himself, though
only with a widow or someone who has been unable to find a husband.
``I believe in sex, but also in boundaries,'' he says. ``Pleasure
marriage is a boundary.''